my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
