Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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