an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
