my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
