That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
