Your face is a jimmy john
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
