Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
