I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
