She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
