Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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