Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Please don't give away my fajitas
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