I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
