if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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