When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
