its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
