I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
