I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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