Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
