We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
