I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
