woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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