theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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