how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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