I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
