It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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