my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
