I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
