i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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