Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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