if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
