He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
