so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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