thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
