I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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