Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
