The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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