He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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