The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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