i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
