So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This baby is an asshole
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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