Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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