i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
