i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
