farters have to be the big spoon...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
