That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
