I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
