Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
