My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
