I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
