no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
