I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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