shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
