I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
