He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
