It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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