Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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