Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
