Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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