I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
please come you make the beer taste better
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm really busy with my period
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