Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
