Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
