How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
soo... how was my night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
