dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
