I think I died a long time ago.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
