She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
