We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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