In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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