I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
