I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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