It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
