I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
