I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
