I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
