I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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