what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
