oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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