My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
